How often have I been ungrateful to God?
I've always had everything in life. So I can say that, compared to several of my friends, I was privileged in a lot of aspects including parents who love me, a stable financial condition, a house, great schools, and so on. This was my experience for quite some time. It wasn't perfect ALL the time, but I had no reason to complain.
When I was first introduced to YWAM, I had just come out of a sudden family situation that led to the loss of almost everything I had before.
For a long time, I wondered what I had done to have all the privileges of my past taken away? I asked this question a lot but never felt like I got a clear answer. Over time, I became frustrated at YWAM for always teaching about trust.
“Trusting God! How? What if He gives me something now, but then I just lose it later? Why can't I have the things that I want in the way that I want them? That's what the world does and they seem perfectly happy. This is not life!"
My vanity didn't allow me to understand that the problem was with myself and not with God. Ungratefulness reigned in my heart, even after all that God had already given me!
I was so blessed to have had the experience of traveling to more than 9 countries in a period of 9 years, meeting people, learning new cultures, and living in places that I would never have imagined setting foot in in my life.
Even so, I found myself always feeling ungrateful and bitter. I felt like the call to Missions and to dependence on God for things like finances and security was inconveniencing me and I was losing sight of God's unending faithfulness.
And just where was God in this story?
He was still there, providing for me and giving me more and more unimaginable things while all I seemed to do was receive and then complain.
The breakthrough came for me when, out of God's goodness and mercy, He provided me with friends who challenged me to take an inward look at my heart. I'm very fortunate to have a very wise mother who encourages me whenever I need it. Her encouragement was a key instrument that helped me to open my eyes to see what I was doing towards God. By focusing on everything that I felt like I was "missing", I couldn't see everything that was right in front of me!
After acknowledging all of these things as the gifts that they are, I came to the conclusion that I am still one of the most privileged people in the world! I have friends who love me, a home in every corner of the world, a family that supports me, a suitcase packed for every trip and a Father who treats me well and listens whenever I ask for the smallest thing in the world.
What have I been able to experience in my nearly 10 years of missions? Things that my wildest dreams couldn't have imagined. But most of all, the lavish love and abundance of our God. True joy comes when we are able to stop seeking the worth of the world and find our fullness in who God is and what He has done for us.
I may likely never live a life of "luxury" as our culture may define it but I will certainly always live a life as someone who is deeply and profoundly loved. There is nothing that I cannot bring before God or ask him for help with! Jesus tells us that He came so that we could fullness of life (John 10:10). And He meant it. Fullness of life is found in the precious relationship we get to have with our loving Father. He is good and He is kind and at the end of the day I think we'll always find that that is enough.
“Always be joyful. Pray constantly. Be thankful to God in all circumstances, for this is what God wants you to do in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-1